With valentine’s day coming up, a lot people have love or romance on their minds. Most times we express love in different ways and we need to keep our love tanks filled. But as the joy of falling in love fades, effective emotional communication becomes key to a happy relationship. This is where understanding your partner’s love language becomes very important.

What are these love languages?

  1. Words of affirmation – Simple words like, You look beautiful or handsome, you are so funny are great. Giving compliments boosts morale and gives the feel good factor. 
  2. Quality time – These days time is becoming an increasingly rare commodity, even more so undivided attention. This means focusing on your partner and nothing else, not just spending time near each other. E.g quality conversations or activities. These activities are more about the activity your partner likes not just doing things together
  3. Gift giving – Giving gifts regardless of their monetary value is a another way to show affection. This refers to the whole process of giving gifts, to the initial thoughts, to going out to buy them and presenting the gifts to your partner.
  4. Acts of service – this means doing helpful things for your partner/spouse, e.g. things like doing the grocery shopping, helping with the kids homework, changing a bulb. This may require you to rethink your traditional gender roles as some people may not have grown up thinking these are things a man/woman does normally.
  5. Physical Touch – Things like holding hands, kissing, embracing or sexual intercourse and also understanding which subtler forms of contact you can express this as well. Even if you are apart, you can do things like wearing your partner/spouse’s shirt, or having a keepsake can help as well.

How do you find out what your love language is?

So how do you know what your primary love language is? What do most often request of your partner? Follow your instincts and consider what makes you feel emotionally fulfilled e.g spending time etc. 

Or you can think back to times when you felt hurt by your partner/spouse or previous partners/spouses. Instances which caused you to feel unloved or not loved the way you needed to be. This is most probably your primary love language. Your upbringing can also play a major role in the development of your love language. So may be helpful to think about how your parents made you feel loved or unloved when growing up.

Remember once you discover you and your partner or spouse’s love language be sure to use that. Effective communication in a relationship is key.

Do you know your love language?